Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
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