he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
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i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
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What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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