I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
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I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
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No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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