he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
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Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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