If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
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but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
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I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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