I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
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I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
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Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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