First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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