They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
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Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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