Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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