He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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