Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
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I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
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not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
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