dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize