woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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