You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
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