Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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