went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
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I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
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Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
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