everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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