I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
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My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
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Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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