so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
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if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
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I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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