There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
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She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
This couple is walking their pig around campus
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize