Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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