Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
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today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
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We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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