it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize