I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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