just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize