God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
FUCK WHALES
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize