zippers are such a cool invention
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize