Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Houston, we have a squirter
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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