hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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