That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Randomize