i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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