I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I party with great urgency now.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize