Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
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Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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