I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize