i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
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How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
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You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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