So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
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worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
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After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
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