mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
you are never too drunk for berry picking
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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