Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
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her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
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I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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