You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
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So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
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My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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