She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
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I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
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You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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