OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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