i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
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Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
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All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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