i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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