Redeem this text for a blowjob
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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