I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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