mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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