dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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