tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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