if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
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He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
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Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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