Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize